How to Get Over Being Betrayed
What can soothe the sting when trust is broken
Ouch. Betrayal. There have been many examples in my life where I felt the blistering sting of betrayal. So much so that I formed beliefs around it that I carried with me for a long time. Beliefs like...
The people closest to me ultimately betray me.
I can't trust people.
I'm not worth keeping.
Last year it happened again. I was betrayed by someone close to me in a way that was almost poetic in how it echoed the betrayal by my first love. It was as if I had come full circle, where the cycle could close the same way it began. But whether the cycle actually would end was up to me and the choices I made.
The moment I found out I felt that familiar punch to the gut, which nearly took the wind out of me. Motherfucker!
As I recovered from the blow, my practice kicked in and I reached for the higher perspective. Aside from dissecting the hows and whys of what brought this back into my experience, I pondered the concept of betrayal, realizing that labeling something as betrayal gave it a power and meaning it didn't need to have.
When we view these situations in a more objective way, a lot of the pain goes away and we can use these challenges to grow.
Betraying our trust
Almost nothing matches the emotional charge of betrayal, which is why it is at the center of so many of our dramas—real or fictional. Think of Judas betraying Jesus. Brutus betraying Caesar. Benedict Arnold betraying the American forces. Or basically every soap opera and reality TV show since then. Anyone remember Melrose Place?
For me, the most brutal betrayals weren't divulging my secrets or sabotaging my plans. It was the hurt I felt at finding out something significant had been hidden from me. Some deceit that led me to question whether I really knew someone, if it was all a lie, and how much else I didn't know. Being blindsided like that threatened my sense of reality and control.
Isn't that what really guts us with betrayal?
We place our trust in someone or something, whether they have given us any reason to trust them or not, and then feel violated and shattered when reality doesn't match our hopes and expectations.
We might even feel a moral judgment and indignation as the word "betrayal" festers on our lips and we slide into the role of victim. How could they do that to me?!
Things are not as they seem
What if we dropped the word "betrayal" and called it what it is? When I backed out of my old stories and elevated my perspective, I realized that what I was labeling as "betrayal" with all its emotional charge was just this:
I thought things were one way but they were another.
See how that neutralizes the negative emotional charge? There was something I hadn't seen, perhaps hadn't been willing to see, and it upset me to find out the truth about it. How I felt about that was up to me. Yes, I was lied to, but if I'm honest with myself, I had been participating in something that I knew wasn't in my highest good (but was addictively appealing), which can only lead to one thing—contrast. Contrast is that yucky feeling place where you experience the chasm or conflict between what you have in your reality and the better thing you dream of. Instead of beating myself up for being there, I accepted the message I was given:
It's time to make a different choice.
For a pattern so entrenched, it made sense to me that the contrast would strike really close to home, evoking those first moments when it seemed my whole world fell apart. Except this time I didn't fall apart, fly off the handle, or start plotting my revenge. I felt the feelings, pondered the lessons, and chose a fresh perspective instead of the old stories that had risen to be let go. When I did that, I realized:
It was never about me or my worth.
All those events that I labeled "betrayal" were just other people's issues playing out.
In calling it betrayal, I could avoid responsibility for my beliefs and behaviors that brought that situation (and its lessons) to me. Taking responsibility for my role in being there doesn't excuse anyone's unkind and dishonest behavior but it shifts the story. I wasn't betrayed (cue dramatic music). Instead, I hadn't yet learned the lessons that would allow me to see the situation clearly and steer clear of it. I hadn't yet loved myself enough to believe I deserve something better, like someone who actually is truthful and trustworthy. That's on me.
It is also possible that what we call "betrayal" is an act of love from the offending person. Think of an intervention. What feels like betrayal for the one being sat down could be a genuine desire to prevent someone they care about from sliding toward rock bottom. Again, it comes back to perspective.
Evolving our human vocabulary
How we talk about things matters. As we move further into awakening, we find that our human vocabulary and the meaning and charge we give to certain words can hold us back from more enlightened perspectives. These loaded words and concepts don't fit the evolving nature of our understanding. Betrayal and all the baggage that comes with it is one such example that can keep us stuck in old stories of shame, blame, and fear.
The lesson of betrayal is not to stop trusting people or to expect everyone to disappoint me eventually.
What it taught me, first and foremost, was to listen more closely to my intuition and trust it when something feels off, even if it's leading me to a decision I may not like.
I felt betrayed because I refused to see what my intuition already knew. I fixated on an illusion instead of facing the facts. When the truth came to light, I was shaken but I wasn't shocked.
When something unpleasant occurs in our life, we can choose to be a victim or to see it for what it is from the higher perspective that consciousness allows. At the end of the day, anything that makes us feel bad is an invitation to make a different choice. Instead of hiding behind a label like betrayal and feeding feelings of anger and hurt, we can have the courage and compassion to gracefully accept the lessons and move on.
Interested in learning how to elevate your thinking into greater peace and understanding?
Get a taste by watching clips from my webinar, How to Think in 5D, or check out my coaching intensive, Liberate Your Light.